Author Archives: Mary Sweeney
Pressing On
It’s been three years today that Bill was promoted to his eternal home. I ran across this post about “Pressing On” that he wrote on January 1, 2020, and felt as we approach a new year, someone might need some encouragement to carry then over into 2024.
I visit Bill’s blogs often as it makes me feel close to him as I laugh at his humor and digest his wisdom. As I read each blog, I can’t help but think of all his “blogger friends”, because you became his second family. Being a prisoner in his body may have isolated him physically, but because of technology and friends he made through his blog, he was a very sociable man. Thank you all for the love and encouragement that you gave Bill (and me) in your comments. They continue to bless and encourage me. Bill started a blog to encourage others in their suffering, but God knew Bill needed encouragement from you all to keep pressing on.
When Bill wrote this blog, it was a month before the Covid lockdown. He was so optimistic about the new year. He didn’t know that COVID would take away peoples’ jobs and even their lives. Nor did he know it would be the hardest year of suffering for him, ending in his death. Yet his goal in 2020 was to give others hope as we were all isolated. He stopped writing his book and just concentrated on encouraging others even though he was very ill. He loved people and wanted everyone to know the God that gave him hope. He kept pressing on.
On another note, Bill never wanted to diminish anyone’s suffering. Sometimes we tend to compare our pain and how we react to it. We think that we can’t have a bad day because someone else has a deeper suffering. We all have different levels of pain in this life and we process and feel it differently. There were so many days throughout our journey where we were hanging on by a thread. Don’t beat yourself up on those days that you are barely hanging on. Allow yourself to feel the pain that comes with your suffering, but don’t stay there. Ask God to give you the strength and grace you need for that day and keep pressing on. I can’t promise you will get the outcome that you want, but I can promise He will be there with you in your pain as He promised:
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.” -Psalms 23:4
God’s Faithfulness
A month before Bill went to heaven, he sent me an email. The top line read:
“If I go home:
Don’t think for a minute that God failed us! You know how faithful God has been.”
He continued with a list of things that I needed to take care of (his book, his funeral, etc.), but all I could see and hear were his words above. These words have replayed over and over in my mind since running across this email. God knew I needed to read these words as I navigated through the grieving process. He knew I would question His sovereignty and that I needed to remember His faithfulness throughout the past 24 years. He made provision in all areas of our life as we walked through the valley of the shadow of death. Bill WAS a miracle! The doctors gave him a 3-5-year death sentence, but God added 20 more years to his life!
Did God fail us? No, He didn’t fail us. Is God still faithful? Yes, He is.
Because of the loving devotion of the LORD, we are not consumed, for His mercies never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness! (Lamentations 3:22-23)
The day after Bill went home, I sat in my living room alone for the first time in years, not knowing what to do with myself. The silence in our home that night was so loud as I sat there staring out the window. I couldn’t believe that Bill was gone. I asked God to talk to me. I closed my eyes and waited. I saw myself pushing Bill over the finish line in his wheelchair. I am left standing there as I watched him slowly disappear. With tears running down my face, I realized that I had been running Bill’s race beside him for 24 years. It was our race together. We were a team. A team that included Jesus as the cord that held us together to move forward for His glory. That marathon was finished.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
I’m not sure what my race without Bill beside me looks like, but I do know that I want to finish strong as Bill did. I always told Bill he reminded me of Paul. Metaphorically, Bill was imprisoned inside his body for 24 years. They both used their time in prison to encourage others. They kept the faith and didn’t give up no matter how tough life got.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me but also to all who have longed for his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:7-8)
Bill allowed God’s grace to carry him so he could be an example to all of us that God’s grace is sufficient. Now, I must let God’s grace hold me as I figure out the race without Bill beside me.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
I have cried more in the past five months than I have in my entire life. I don’t think I allowed myself to grieve during his illness like I should have, so now I mourn the loss of his absence and all the other losses that ALS took from him and our family. God is healing my heart each day as I put my trust in Him. He said he’d never leave us. He said he’d direct our path. So, I wait on Him.
Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord! (Psalms 27:14)
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)
Has God failed us? No, He hasn’t. Is God still faithful? Yes, He is.
My prayer is that Bill’s words will help someone else as much as they did me.
“Don’t think for a minute that God failed us (you)! You know how faithful God has been.”
Unshakable Hope 