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What Are You Afraid Of?

The public is panicking over this Coronavirus. Sporting events have been canceled, churches are vacant, and grocery shelves are all but empty. Many people in America are in fear of contracting this virus, so they’re hunkering down at home.

Having overcome the fear of death, contracting the virus is way down on the list of my concerns. However, I can relate to the fear of going out in public.

My name is Bill, and I am agoraphobic.

Agoraphobia: Extreme or irrational fear of entering open or crowded places, of leaving one’s own home, or of being in places from which escape is difficult.

“Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?” (Matthew 8:26).

In other posts, I’ve told you that I call our bedroom “the cave.” The eye-tracking computer I use works best in dimly lit rooms, so I keep the lights off. The blinds on the door to the back patio are open, but that’s usually the only light in the room. It’s a climate-controlled and otherwise comfortable cave, but it’s still a cave. I am very thankful for creature comforts. As of this month, I’ve spent twenty years in this cave.

“We can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear…'” (Hebrews 13:6).

I once thought agoraphobia was something people claimed to have because they wanted to stay home and binge-watch Netflix. Not really, but I just couldn’t imagine why an able-bodied person would have a fear of public spaces. I do understand, all too well, the fear of public spaces for the physically and mentally disabled, especially those with autism like my nephew. I get sensory overload.

“The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?” (Psalm 27:1).

The last twenty years in my cave staring at a computer screen for twelve hours a day has taken a toll on my eyes. My vision has become increasingly blurry over the last few years. I knew that I needed to go to the eye doctor, but that meant public spaces. And not just any public space. The eye doctor we’ve gone to for years now works at the Walmart Vision Center. His former practice was in a small strip center with a handicap parking space fifteen feet from the door. That was okay, but a busy Walmart is a scary place for someone with agoraphobia.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.” (Psalm 56:3-4).

It’s so ironic that I’ve developed a fear of public spaces because at the time I was diagnosed with ALS twenty-three years ago, I was a Regional Sales Manager in the grocery business. I spent many of my days visiting grocery stores, including Walmart stores, throughout Texas, and the other five states in my region.

“I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” (Psalm 34:4).

My last trip to a public space was two years ago when I had to have surgery to remove a growth on the lower eyelid of my left eye. Ouch! The surgeon had what he removed tested, and it turned out to be basil cell carcinoma. I had to go back for him to remove more. Now I have a similar bump on the lower eyelid of my right eye. My trips in public are so exciting.

“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him For the help of His presence.” (Psalm 42:5).

My fear of public spaces is not just a product of my imagination. I have had some horrible things happen when we’ve ventured out in the past. I’ve mentioned some of these in other posts. Like the time our van’s wheelchair lift decided to break when I was three feet off the ground – in the pouring rain! I am thankful for the first responders that rescued me at that time and a few other times. We had the wheelchair lift repaired and it works great, but I’m still a little nervous about using it.

After a year of Mary prodding me, I finally relented and agreed to see the eye doctor (no pun intended). I still cringed when she told me that she made an appointment. In the days leading up to the appointment, I became nervous just thinking about going. Because I’m so high maintenance, Sharlene, the part-time caregiver I’ve had for almost thirteen years, went with us to the appointment last Friday.

Everything went fine. None of the things I feared materialized. Isn’t that the way it is with most of our fears?

Fear is such a powerful force. It’s a bully that robs us of sleep and puts stress on virtually every other aspect of our lives – if we permit it to do so.

We can’t allow fear to control our lives. If we want to replace fear with hope, we have to be careful, especially in these dark days, of what we see and hear. The news and zombie apocalypse shows will not give you hope. Instead:

“Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9).

We must also surround ourselves with hope-filled people. Mary and I have had our hope strengthened, and our fears diminished by hopeful followers of Christ, including our blogging friends.

We are living in difficult times. If you’re looking for hope, Unshakable Hope, apart from Christ, I don’t have any advice for you. If you are not a follower of Christ, I am hoping and praying that you will commit to following Him today.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7).